The Darkness Between
by FierySable
Summary: Strange dreams plague her nights, not letting her sleep. One haunts her especially...the death of a young man. Could it be dreams about her past life? Or another life altogether? *1xR
1. chapter 1

AN: I know, starting another fic before I finished any of the old ones…-_-;; yeah, that's me to a tee. N'wayz, this just caught me and wouldn't let me go until I had written it…it just kinda flowed outta my fingers onto my computer and that was that…*sigh* my muses take the worst times to have me get sudden inspirations…

The Darkness Between

Chapter One: _Remember_…

Beads of sweat ran down her cheeks, stinging the open scratches that marred her pale skin in a network of spider webs. Her cloak was tattered and torn from the cruel grasp of the tree branches that whipped and snapped into her face and body. 

She was scared. 

Every wild, innocuous sound froze her heart with dread. The owl's innocent call was like a raucous laugh of derision, the breaking twigs on the forest floor cracked like boulders that fell in a tumbling avalanche. Even the moon, soft and gentle, was her enemy. It lit the clearing around her in dripping, syrups of light, whitewashing the trees that should have hidden them and casting off the cloak of full night with its iridescent glow. 

Not too far away, she heard the trumpeting yells of her father's men, cringing against the lantern light that spilled over her in harsh, violent waves. Briefly, she closed her eyes in agony, trembling with equal amounts of pain and terror as bile seared her throat. 

__

~*No, Father! I do not condone this alliance with Mordrid; there are rumors that he dabbles in human sacrifices and rapes the earth to draw blood-magic from the soil. He killed thousands of his own people in meaningless wars, meaningless battles to earn him power and land! And you would freely give our lands to him by offering my hand to him in sanctified marriage…I'll have none of it!

You will do as I say, daughter! If you cross me R'lina, this I swear, that you will be no daughter of mine! I will set my men on you as I would a run-away slave! I will give you to them to do as they please with you and then, I will gladly sever your head from your neck and upon a silver dish, present this trophy to Lord Mordrid! You will bind your life to him the next morn, or you will bind your life to Death! It is your choice; I wash my hands of you!*~

And this ultimatum had forced her to her circumstances now, her despair and fear of what was to be should she consent.

Never. 

She had sworn fiercely that same day that she would never wed Mordrid, never let him defile her body or soul with his cruelty. She refused ever to become those apathetic, lank haired, blank-eyed creature to that overlord, though they were dressed in the finest silk and the most expensive jewelry draped across their necks and wrists like the golden chains. 

Fenra, her half-sister, had once been a joyous child, full of life and vigor, merry and sweet as the falling nectar from an orchid's trembling petal. She had been fickle as the day, as gentle as the night, and more mischievous than all the other children put together. She had been well loved for all her foolery and cheerful wit and on the day of her marriage, had declared that she would never change for any husband, that she would never be broken.

R'lina's face twisted in anguish at the memory. She had not seen her older sister for years after that fateful declaration, and had cried night and day because of her absence. The next time, she had been twelve years old and Mordrid and his wives had come to celebrate the full Harvest-Moon at the mansion. Fenra had been there and unnoticing of the vacant stupor of her half-sister's gaze, R'lina had laughed in delight and embraced Fenra, bubbling over with joy at her sister's return. But Fenra, warm and loving Fenra, Fenra of the one thousand and one jokes and tricks, did not respond, had only looked at her with eyes that were not hers, dull and stupid with numb apathy…completely soulless. 

__

That will never happen to me! _I will not let it! _Relena ran on, tripping over the hem of her gown as she pushed past the gloating knots on the tree, past the groping fingers of light that illuminated her tortured features. She looked desperately around, blindly seeking some reassurance from the cold, lifeless forest, but there was nothing but the voices behind her and the taunting jeer of the raven. _Please…you said you would be here._

Suddenly, she stumbled, tripping over a raised tree root and immediately felt warm arms encircling her shoulders, warmth spilling into her frozen body like the sudden breath of summer. 

"R'lina."

She sobbed once, clutching the scratchy fabric of his woolen shirt tighter as she pressed her face into his chest, allowing herself the luxury of a second's joy, strange aside the overwhelming pain that still drew a raw ache across her throat. 

"Hiiro…" The name was a chant across her lips as she sought, and received, the steady benefaction of his love gathering around her like a cloak of security. He was so strong, so alive and fierce…

And he loved her, would face the King's wrath for her despite the fact that he was but a sorcerer's son and she, a King's daughter. He gripped her in a fast embrace, gentling the terror from her stiff, aching muscles before releasing her, almost reluctantly. 

Keeping a hand to clasp loosely around her shoulders, he propelled her firmly forward, soothing passion replaced with a sense of firm purpose. "We must leave."

"Where?" That one word was uttered with quiet despair as she raised her pleading eyes to his. "He will find me. He will find you. We shall both die tonight..." 

His hand tightened on her arms and he shook her hard until she clung to him to keep on her feet. His eyes, piercing cerulean like the first color of nightfall, sparked with stormy determination and his face was set into a hard mask, angry and determined as he looked down at her with a hawk's eyes. "Stop, R'lina. I swore to protect you once…I keep my promises."

His gaze was steady, assured and her frightened gaze softened, then warmed at the memory that was so cherished by both of them. A declaration long ago when they were both children of fourteen, walking across the flowing sand of the beaches that had shifted and sparkled like thousands upon millions of hopes and promises. They had thought that they were free then, free to love and be loved in return.

Small hopes, unfulfilled as the hopes of the grains of sand yearning to become the sea.

The trumpets called again and the dogs whined and bellowed, yelping their triumph as they barreled through leave-strewn forest in a steady racket that grew closer and closer. Grabbing her arm, Hiiro pulled her along, forcing them both to run from the oncoming tide of hounds and horses and R'lina felt a small tremble flow up her spine in a vague foreboding. She pushed it aside, pulling strength from Hiiro's sure steps and steady confidence and ran beside him, her hand furtively running down his arm to seek his in a deathgrip. He was here…he would protect her as she would protect him. It would be enough.

"Where…do we…go?" She whispered softly. Her voice came in ragged pants and her words jolted and hitched with every step she took.

"_Lavan'ya_. It is close. Once there, I can build a portal on the headstone and we will both leave this foul place."

"_Lavan'ya_?" Relena repeated, her sense of foreboding growing stronger. _Lavan'ya, _a holy temple where Hiiro could use his magic…but why did it have to be the temple of _Lavan_, God of the Dead? Why could it not be _Kivar_, the Goddess of Protection and Spells and her own personal deity? But these thoughts were forgotten as they pushed onwards, through the hindering foliage until they finally stumbled into the clearing, heading towards the small shrine.

Immediately, Hiiro stood at the gated entrance of planked ebony wood and carved, gold-leafed inscriptions. He held his hand up, raised in a gesture of command and a word of power spilled from his lips, hovering in the air like an intangible force. The black wood of the door seemed to twist, then blanched a milky white and shades of sickly yellowish-gray until it looked as if the beginnings of a tornado was being summoned from the its depths. Another word caused the clouds to disappear into a yawning hole and R'lina stifled a gasp as she saw a field of shimmering stars unfold before them, paving the way to wherever they wished to go.

Slowly, almost wearily, he lowered his arm, his brow still furrowed in lines of concentration. His eyes were hard, cold with exhaustion because the gating spell was difficult, even for him. He felt small fingers slip between his own and squeezed them gently in return, the naturally implacable planes of his face softening into a tender smile. They were there, at heaven's gate, one step away from freedom…

Black figures hurled from the surrounding trees, hounds baying shrilly, bloodlust shining in their cruel, eyes and foaming lustily at their mouths. Hiiro's eyes widened fractionally and yanked R'lina in front of him, hurtling towards the portal as the mounted men started for them, arrows knocked and bows raised.

The first bolt caught him across the shoulder and pain lanced from his chest, causing him to stumble but not fall. The second caught him two steps away from the portal…but he did not fall. 

It was the third that imbedded itself into his chest, then the fourth and the fifth. R'lina screamed, clutching his hand more tightly as he lurched heavily to his knees, bracing his arm against the cold stone, his life's blood spattering in wild arcs and wild, chaotic designs at the threshold of the portal. So close…

"_No!_" R'lina clutched his arm, urging him in her breathless, pained voice to go on, but his body failed him, unequal to the determination of his will. She closed her eyes, sobbing and pressed his hand to her trembling lips, wailing softly, "_Hiiro!!_"

Slowly, he looked up, trying, and yet unable to smile for her one last time. Lifting a bloodied hand, he touched her cheek, grazing his thumb along her tear-streaked cheekbone and alabaster skin, memorizing every feature in her expressive face. 

__

"De n'camela, R'lina. Oya, misun d'misun-a." She shook her head violently, clasping his hand in both of hers, weeping openly as she denied his words with all her heart.

"We were supposed to go together! We were supposed to be happy…"

Gently, he dropped his hand, pressing it to her breast, just above the place where her heart beat in frantic tandem to the hooves of the horses as they pounded against the ground._ "Mserai onu…aishiteru R'lina."_ With a quick flick of his wrist, he gave her a forceful shove causing her to fall, caught in the inexorably grasp of the portal's energy field. She screamed, struggling to stay with him, reaching her arm out toward him even as his face disappeared from her sight, lost in the swirling nothingness of space. 

"_HIIRO!_"

*~*

Relena screamed, shooting up from her bed with that name on her lips, heart beating as if she had just run a marathon and trembling, she pressed a hand to her chest, eyes closed as if in pain. Her door was flung open and suddenly, the lights were flung on, flooding the room in blinding brilliance and she shied away, hiding her face from the coldhearted glare. Her roommate stumbled in, her eyes wide with fear and still muzzy with sleep as she took one look at Relena before catching her in a soothing embrace, murmuring nonsensical words of reassurance in German as she had all those other times before when Relena had woken with nightmares.

Presently, when she stopped shaking, Hilde leaned back, her heart-shaped face troubled and worried as she studied Relena's pale, waxen face, "God Rel…"

"It was only a dream…" Relena's whole body heaved and she drew her legs up in a semi-fetal position, rocking herself to and fro, her face a contortion of misery. "I keep on having the same dream, it's always the same dream. I know it's not real, but it seems so real! The running, the death…I don't…Oh God-"

"Shhh…" Hilde comforted again and Relena clung to her, grateful that the German girl had still consented to be roommates with her despite the common knowledge that she was sometimes caught in nightly fits of terror. "Rel…it's okay…what was it about?"

"I'm not sure…" Relena whispered, "I'm so sorry. You must think I'm an awful bother…"

"It's okay." Pushing back the wild tendrils of honey-gold hair from Relena's face, Hilde smiled, her presence taking away some, not all, of the fear that had plagued Relena more and more these fitful nights. "After all, without you, I'd be failing Calculus right now."

Relena laughed weakly, leaning against Hilde's shoulder until the shivering ceased. Presently, Hilde began, almost hesitatingly, "Relena…"

"Yes?"

"Rel…who's Hiiro?" When Relena said nothing, Hilde pushed on determinedly, looking straight into Relena's tortured eyes. "When you screamed, you called for him. So I wondered…"

Relena's azure eyes took on a haunted quality and she stared past Hilde, looking at nothing, yet at the same time, everything. "I…don't know…I think…"

__

Oya misun d'misun-a…[Go, live for my life…]

"Maybe…I'm pretty sure..."

__

Mserai onu…aishiteru…[Remember only that I love you…]

"That he loved me…"

tbc…..

I don't really like the title of this, so if anyone can suggest anything, I'd be totally in your debt. Arigato!

*_Lavan'ya. _Literally, the House of Lavan. But the nomenclature '_ya' _usually denotes a place of worship. For example, for _Kivar,_ Her temple would be called _Kivar-ya_. If you want to denote literally someone's house, let's say Hiiro, it would be _ya'mala d'Hiiro-ka._ _Ya'mala _being house, the _'a'_ specifying ownership.

* _De n'camela, R'lina. Oya misun d'misun-a…Mserai onu, aishiteru. _Do not cry, R'lina. Go, live for my life. Remember only (the last word, Japanese) I love you.


	2. chapter 2

"So…Miss Relena Dorlain." A smile stretched over the woman's face in a lipsticked smear and beady brown eyes narrowed at her from behind huge, horn-rimmed glasses, giving her the appearance of an owl. Her mousy, ash-brown hair was knotted into an efficient, no-nonsense bun at the nape of her neck and her severe, pinstriped suit was ironed and starched like a wooden board. She folded her neatly manicured fingers across her desk and repeated, "So…?"

It was an invitation to speak, to let loose her darkest secrets and whispered yearnings to this ever-so-trustworthy woman with the plastic smile…this woman paid by the administrators of Evania University to probe and pry until their students had nothing left to hide. Relena bit her lower lip until she could feel the saltine taste of blood on the tip of her tongue and silently, forcefully shook her head until the golden strands of her hair flew about her face in a silken halo. Vaguely, she realized that the woman had not asked her a question and that she did not know exactly what she was denying, but it didn't seem to matter. What mattered was denying whatever the plastic woman was offering as hard as she could, without compromise or defeat.

The woman sighed and Relena saw out of the corner of her eye that she was briskly opening the manila envelope, her long, red nails caressing the beige tagboard material. She heard the flipping of the pages, and closed her eyes, almost sickened by what she knew the woman was reading.

__

Blood-type AB…anemic…Found in a alley way as a baby…experiencing temporary blackouts as a child due to unnatural causes…introverted…Anti-social…foster parents: Ann and David Lane …uncontrollable child…screaming, fits of temper…unsuitable for adoption… heavy psychoanalysis, results are…

She fisted her fingers tighter into the scratchy polyester material of her uniform until she felt the pinpricks of her nails biting through the palms of her hands, the knuckles turning a stretched, yellow color. She bowed her head, unable to stand the humiliation of her past being aired out like the next set of laundry. 

__

They have no right. She thought fiercely, _This is invasion of privacy…they're giving my past to…to _her_; she doesn't even care, everything she claims to do for me is to earn her paycheck…she doesn't know a thing about me…_

But of course, every rebellious thought was kept carefully between her teeth, unspoken except in the private recesses of her mind. The administrators constantly reminded her that she was only a scholar student here in Evania, an orphan with no past that had been given a chance at the future by the benevolent faculty to whom she owed everything. The clothes she wore were from charities that had found potential in her; the books were on loan from the university library. Everything she was and ever would be was because of the school, and she had to be grateful…she _would_ be grateful even if her smile split her face in two.

The psychologist cleared her throat meaningfully and obediently, Relena raised her head, her face carefully neutral. "Yes, Mrs. Allbright?"

"That's _Doctor_ Allbright, Miss Dorlain. Doctor Marie Allbright."

"Yes, ma'am…"

"Quite. So, how are you fitting in at Evania? It is a lovely school, isn't it?"

"I'm fitting in fine, Dr. Allbright. It is a lovely school." Even to her own ears, the words rang hollow beneath the prim politeness. Evania University _was_ a lovely, with its traditional brick walls and smooth granite tile of black and white. The courtyard, a favorite place of the Ki Beta Alpha, was fragrant with the scent of magnolia blossoms mingling with bright, flashy tulips and roses at this time of year and in the center, a fountain dripped cool, flowing water from a mermaid's outstretched hand. The teachers were…nice. The faculty…nice. But nice, like lovely, and indeed like the school, were such lukewarm words, settled into a complacent niche of self-congratulations. Evania was somehow…artificial. Too prim, too correct with most everyone caring more for their social status than making true friends. 

But the woman was waiting for her answer and Relena forced a smile to her face, "Yes, it's quite a lovely school." Allbright nodded once, looking pleased as she scribbled something in her black notebook.

"But sources have told me that you don't have as many friends as you ought…none of the _fine_ young people in the…ah…inner circles." There was an infinitesimal smile of superiority on those oh-so-crimson lips and Relena tightened her own lips to keep a retort from spilling out. 

"I have friends."

"Ah _yes_…" This time, there was no mistaking the drawl of disapproval in Dr. Allbright's voice, and Relena felt anger tremble in her muscles, her shoulders straightening of their own volition. "Hilde Schliebecker and her delinquent companion, Duo _Maxwell_. I'm surprised that they are still here, they cause so much trouble to the staff!" They were dismissed with a flick of her wrist, a simple tossing gesture as if she had to but throw their names into the net-wired wastebasket and they would disappear and trouble her no more. "Perhaps they are your friends, Relena, but you need _real_ friends, friends that will help you get somewhere in life." She leaned forward, balancing her elbows on the auburn mahogany and her eyes were warm and confidential. "Listen, Relena, this faculty has agreed, of all the scholar students here, you have been exceptional…but for your fits, but that can be worked around, with a little help! But, we are worried over your increasing tendencies to seek out the company of Ms. Schliebecker and Mr. Maxwell instead of socializing with the other girls and boys in this school, those with better reputations. Do you understand?"

Relena was staring into Dr. Allbright's eyes, her face calm except for two bright spots of anger that burned across her cheekbones. Very quietly, Relena replied, "I understand, Doctor Allbright. You wish me to sever my friendship with Hilde and Duo."

"Well…not exactly how I would put it, but…" The Dean smiled carefully, "something to that affect…there are many people at this school, Relena. For instance, Dorothy Catalonia, a girl of fine breeding and upbringing. Don't you think she would make an excellent companion for you, dear?"

"No."

"I beg your pardon?" 

Relena sat still for a second, then repeated softly, "That is to say, I thank you for your recommendation but I feel at home with my choice of friends. It…is still my choice, is it not, Dr. Allbright?"

"Of course," Her smile had gotten notably stiffer despite her acknowledgement and there was an expression of indignation on her heavily made up face. "I am only here to advise you of what is best for you, Relena. You know that I only have your best interests in mind."

"Yes Dr. Allbright." Relena summoned a look of gratitude to her face and she stood up, curtseying slightly to the woman. "You have made all the difference in my college life and I must thank you profoundly for asking the teachers of this school to supply me with-"

__

A temple with ebony doors, yawning open to reveal a path of stars. Crimson blood arcing wildly over granite steps and a command- 

"Oya misun d'misun-a!!"

****

"_Relena_!!" Suddenly, Relena felt arms around her, supporting her and she gasped, trembling. Dimly, she realized that both of her hands were locked against her temples, strands of golden hair wound violently around her fingers and her feet were braced apart from each other as if she was tensing for battle. Her schoolbag had dropped carelessly to the floor and there was a rawness in Relena's throat, so she knew at some point, she had cried aloud. Mrs. Allbright had one arm encircling her heaving shoulders and another held against her waist to keep her from falling to the crimson oriental carpet and Relena leaned against her, unable to stop her convulsive shivering. 

"Relena, what's wrong? Answer me please! Should I call the nurse? Relena, do you need the nurse?" There was genuine panic in the woman's voice and Relena managed to shake her head although her fingers pressed pale white ovals into her flushed skin. 

"N-no…I don't want a nurse…I don't need one!"

"All right. Calm down…" Sshe felt herself being guided firmly into a chair and bit her lower lip tightly until the pain made white stars dance in front of her eyes. There was something that wanted to surface, a whisper of a memory, yet instinctively, Relena reacted by trying to force it even lower into her subconscious, deathly afraid of what she might learn.

She doubled over in the chair, glaring fiercely at the swimming floor through eyes that overflowed with unconscious tears, marring the smooth, translucent skin with streaks of silver liquid. Her nails drew blood from where they pressed and silently, she screamed, battling against this unspoken, unnamed entity that gripped her. She was torn; a part of her wanted desperately to understand, to reach out and clasp the memory to her like a friend or a lover, the other part recoiled, afraid of the underlying shadows beneath the promise, of the pain that would inevitably come with the knowing. 

__

R'lina…

No, go away!

R'lina, listen to me!

You're dead! But you can't be…You're only a dream…a very bad dream! Go away…onegai! You're frightening me! Go away!! 

And suddenly, as if those where the magic words, the pressure inside her mind abruptly eased and she collapsed bonelessly in the plush chair, tears of exhaustion and effort falling silently into her cupped hands. Leaning her forehead against her knees, she took deep, trembling breaths, inhaling the scent of musk from the chair's padding and the slight floral fragrance of magnolias from the open window. Vaguely, she could hear Dr. Allbright talking rapidly with someone on the phone, her voice shrill and demanding, but she was to tired to take note of what the woman was saying, preferring instead to stay slumped in her chair, listening to the sound of her own panting breath.

"Relena, are you all right?" Dr. Allbright hovered solicitously over Relena, doing a faintly amusing imitation of an anxious hen watching her chicks peep feebly about. Relena smiled weakly but did not raise her head so that a skein of long, golden hair hid her features from Dean Allbright's jittery gaze. 

"Yes ma'am…I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me." _Twice…that's twice in two days…what's happening to me?_

"I understand, my dear." A hand came down cautiously over Relena's shoulder and gave it a sympathetic squeeze, although she did remove it rather quickly as if she was afraid that Relena would suddenly snap into a thousand and one broken shards of glass. "I've called your dorm mate to pick you up and cleared the rest of your schedule today with your teachers…you don't mind, do you?"

"No ma'am. Thank you."

"That's a girl." Deliberate approval wormed its way into the other woman's voice and Relena sighed wearily, closing her dull, azure eyes.

__

Who are you?

The question echoed and reechoed into the recesses of her mind, but there was no response, no vaguely familiar rich baritone voice laced with anxiety and emotion, no heart-wrenching reaction of gut terror or terrible yearning. Only a sense of loss and aching emptiness that made her long for…something. Something as ephemeral and lazy as summer afternoons on the beach, yet as tangible as warmth from an embrace or a first kiss. She knew that it was within her reach…if only she had the courage to reach out and take it! But with the comfort, there always came terror right afterwards, fear of loss that felt like the bite of winds against her cheeks, freezing her will into a fragile ice sculpture.

__

Who are you?

A person? A voice? Someone that she knew that she knew, someone that had been (was?) so very important to her…who was he? Who was this man that brought with him submerged memories of love and fear, joy and pain in equal amounts? The phantom voice breathed into her ear like a touch of wind, making her shiver and glance around wildly. But there was no compulsion or forceful intonation now, only a deep sadness that made her throat ache.

__

I am who I am. But you, R'lina, if you are no longer who you were…then who are you now?

Tbc_…_

**_Shouts out go to:_**

Mint: lol, you've got the right idea…it's not exactly right but it's on the right track…I'm amazed by either your perception or my transparency…wow, vivid imagination going on there! ;) 

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Lady Scarlet-Une: I've just gotten into that unfortunate habit of writing more convoluted plotlines…-_-;; I swear, I never did before! I was a pointless sap writer damnit! What the heck is happening to me??? I'll blame it on Ayn Rand right now, because her philosophies and book _the Fountainhead_ is SO hard to understand…the symbolism…argh. It's actually forcing me to analyze more deeply than I have been…which is a novel experience. I feel like I need a roadmap to get through the book although I do love it dearly.

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TwilightDreams: I'll try to finish it! ^_^ I've finished all my Gundam fics up to date…it just usually…takes a while…heh heh…*sweatdrop*…days, weeks, months…not years though…yet.

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Goldberry: o.O oh-kay…flamethrower DOWN! NOW! I'm finished with this chapter! Then again…*evil glare* you can't say anything, tamodachi…*coughWatchtowercough*!! Besides, that flamethrower is MINE!! 

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Meoi-chan, Ley, Mama-sama, Beth, Crystal, Angelic1090: Thanks for always supporting me when I write! I always feel better when I know you're reading and I love your reviews! ^_^ 

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EarthAngel, Kristine: thanks for giving me suggestions on different title names! I SOOOOO need it, tee hee. But I'm still thinking of one that might go better because it isn't exactly a past life that she has…argh. . I think I'll finally have a good title when I finish with the fic and not a second before. And K-chan, I want to know…what do you think I'm going to do? Are you so sure? *evil grin* but argh, you know me too well so I'm going to refuse to comment any further…:P SHADDAP!! I know you're laughing at me!!

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Youjibaracuda: chica!! Where's my chappy, lolita?? *fierce scowl* He-llo!! Remember our agreement? You have to write a chapter for every three I write!!! Lol…n'wayz…I can't believe I'm writing ANOTHER one!! Goddess Bless…there goes my promise out the window… :-P damn muses….

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Kansho, **_aNiMeNoHiMe: _**arigato for reviewing!!

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To all my readers, I hope you're enjoying this! ^_^ I'm actually really enjoying writing this series…and for all you sap lovers, yes eventually there will be some! Hey, this is me, I live and breathe sap! 

Drop me a line at furiesofhell@yahoo.com**_ if you want to email me or give me suggestions! If you want to be notified when the next chapter is out, please write down your email address and I'll send out author alerts in due time._**


	3. chapter 3

Chapter 3

Silk water flowed around her, enveloping her in a world of murmuring silence. Even the brilliant rays of the sun, preening golden in its ascendance, only registered as a lazy, bobbing circle in the shimmering sparkles and rippled reflections of the lagoon. Bright flashes of silver fish darted about her, nibbled lovingly at her fingertips and the ends of her flowing, fern-like hair before flitting away in a coy, flippant dance. 

Relena sighed, gazing up through the film of water. After that exhibition in the Dean's office, Dr. Allbright had enlisted the help of Mr. Piere, a small, mousy psychologist that had a habit of fidgeting nervously, shifting from one foot to the other, tapping the butt of his pen absently against his open palm. It seemed as if he had to be constantly in motion to function and even then, it was rather painful to watch as he jerked his head up self-consciously, his voice uncertain with a nasal quality to it. They met once a week now and he, in his infinite wisdom, had concluded that her fits were because of some traumatic experience that was trying to surface to her conscious.

"It would seem," He said with a nervous smile, "That you are _fighting_ this memory, whatever it is. That you don't _want _to…er… re-me-mber." 

Relena had barely stopped from rolling her eyes. She could have told him that.

Small, pearling bubbles broke past her lips and burbled towards the surface, breaking ever so gently against the first touch of air and she smiled contentedly as the memory seemed to fizzle away with the bubbles of air. The aqua sea flowed lazily around her, inducing a comfortable warmth against her skin that was reminiscent of embracing arms, cherishing and quietly loving. She could stay here forever…if only her lungs would indulge her. Unfortunately, she was no fish and her oxygen-starved body finally demanded that she seek the skies before tinges of pain began rippling across her body.

With a swift kick that sent the sea bottom churning into a sandy mist, she promptly propelled herself upwards until she shattered the water, glasslike fragments flying wildly around her, refracting and gleaming like miniature orbs for a brief second before they dropped again, tittering like wind chimes against the surface of the sea. Her delighted chuckle rang in a soprano counterpoint to the hushed song of the lagoon, and the waters seem to throw her laugh back at her, rollicking her playfully back and forth in the motion of their waves.

"Oi, Rel! _Re-le-na!!_" 

Relena glanced around, eyes skimming briefly through the colorfully dressed swimmers before locating the source of that call and she smiled, a little foolishly because she was happy to be there, and waved back at the exuberantly gesturing teen. From this far away, she couldn't see his sparkling amethyst eyes (Devil's eyes, his teachers called them, to match his personality), but his grin made a white slash against his sun-burnt face and his wet braid hung sloppily around his shoulders and hips in thick, mahogany coils. Cupping his hands around his mouth, he yelled, "'Jousan! Come in for the day, okay? McHatton wants us to start on our bio projects since we're here at the reefs so Jeremy's calling everyone back to shore!"

"Fine!" Relena called back and felt a twinge of regret as she began swimming for shore, her arms gliding easily into the water in tandem with the light kicking of her feet. Duo tossed her a thick, fluffy pink towel as she emerged from the water and she grinned, toweling off her salt-encrusted body before draping the towel lightly across her shoulders. She was more alive than she had ever felt before; without the depressingly bare gray walls of her dormitory or the almost claustrophobic suffocation of small classrooms, the wind whistled and teased through the long, tangled tendrils of her hair and the cheerful warmth of the sun brought a healthy glow to her pale skin. 

"Gee, is 'jousan actually enjoying herself?" Duo teased unmercifully and Relena forgot for a second that she was Evania U's most reserved charity student and stuck her tongue out at her friend haughtily, tilting her nose into the air. "I don't get it, Rel. When you run, you trip over your own shoelaces and fall flat on your face. When you bike, you get dizzy and have to be taken to the infirmary. Hell, when you play _soccer_-"

"I kicked the ball!" Relena said defensively and Hilde, who was listening to the conversation, laughed and hid her face against Duo's broad shoulder in a vain gesture to keep Relena from seeing the tears of mirth that were forming at the corner of her eyes.

Absently, Duo wound his arm around his girlfriend's waist, but that didn't stop him from snorting derisively, "Right 'jousan. You kicked it all right…right into the coach's face!" 

Relena blushed guiltily, remembering that incident all too well. Poor Coach Dykes had been knocked unconscious for a full five minutes until the nurse was called in to revive him. When he had finally awakened, he had ordered her to resign from the field in disgrace. Her inability to play sports had finally been taken into consideration and the administration had, after much pleading by both herself and her teachers, allowed her to drop athletics from her curriculum. 

But Duo didn't notice her reaction, his voice was actually more puzzled than teasing as he said thoughtfully, "But in water, someone that didn't know you well could swear that you were the most graceful athlete alive…until they saw you trip on dried kelp, of course. But what's up with that?"

Relena inclined her head to one side thoughtfully, "I don't know. I've always had a love for the sea." Her eyes took on a far away look as she gazed out into the shimmering ocean, watching the roiling waves tumble playfully into the sand. "I guess its because I have fond memories of the beaches as a child…" _Except…the social workers found me in downtown…I don't quite remember my childhood either. Vague, little thoughts that are gone as soon as I reach for them…a boy with long, whitish-blonde hair that stood above my crib once? It's a little weird…everyone always talks about when they were kids…I can't remember…_

A nudge at her side jolted her out of her reverie, and she glanced reproachfully at Duo as she rubbed the abused rib with the palm of her hand. "What?" 

"Come on, Rel, they're setting up the food! And I'm _hungry!_" With that plaintive whine, Duo grabbed Hilde's hand and proceeded to drag her over to the place where the aroma of fresh fish was beginning to waft from the open pits. Relena smiled in amusement as her two friends walked away and for a brief second, the memory of a day not so different from this flitted through her mind. Except it had been sunset that day, and only she walked along the shoreline. No…someone else too…she and-

"_Rel, come on!_" 

"Coming!" Her attention diverted, she grabbed her bag and jogged through the shifting beach sands towards the rest of the class. The rest of the day was spent happily inspecting dark purple sea urchins and letting the prickly hermit crabs crawl awkwardly over their palms. Every so often the ocean would murmur something that was almost a word, almost a phrase but no one noticed as they splashed through the tide pools and poked at a poor, flustered sea slug that eventually squirted Duo in the face with ink. Sometimes Relena looked up, eyes narrowed in concentration as if she was trying to hear some far off whisper in her ear. But the shrill cries of the white seagulls always seemed to mask it, or the crashing roar of the surf drowned it out, so nothing quite penetrated into her conscious mind.

*~*

The sound of whispering drew her out of sleep and groggily, Relena blinked dazedly around her, trying to locate the source of these murmured, sibilant voices. Not moving from the confines of her warm sleeping bag, she rotated her head around slowly, but all she saw were the multi-colored rows of sleeping bags lying along the beach. The low, flickering fire caste a warm gold and orange glow over the beachside, illuminating the shadows to some degree, but beyond the circle of students, there was only a deep, melancholy indigo streaked with the darker colors of soft sable and purple.

__

We call to you who loves the sea…come back, R'lina

There it was again! Relena sat up, staring intently, staring out at the crashing surf as whispers flowed around her, like some lost melody of her youth that she had just begun to recognize. In the silence of the night without the yelling and screaming of her classmates, she could hear the intonation of more than one voice joined in a unified chorus, some deeper, like the rough caress of burlap, some as rich as the finest satin cloth. Her mind slowly separated the different voices, most of whom she did not know, but there was one that she felt uneasily drawn to, the quiet baritone that had always been whispering to her at the back of her mind. There was more steel in his tone than soft cajoling; but despite that, she found his voice (familiar?) more compelling than the rest of them, and instinctively took a few steps forward towards the crying waves below.

There was something hypnotically reassuring about the cauldron pot of voices; they seemed to meld into each other, complement each other like dripping notes in a music score, each enhanced by the previous murmur of pure sound. Almost without thinking, Relena found herself scooting through the shifting sands of the beach towards the water's edge in blind obedience as the light breeze made the light grains swirl about her ankles and knees in mini whorling hurricanes. Absently, she noticed that the waves had taken on an eerie silver illumination, tinges of saffron-yellow skimming just under the surface of the sea, live threads of magic that were weaving themselves into a shimmering mandola, but even that strangeness did not quite penetrate.

Time seemed to have frozen around that one instant; the shadows neither grew longer nor shorter and on the beachhead, the once flickering glow of the campfire seemed tranced, the orange-red glow frozen in its position in the sky like a foolish blot of paint on black canvas. 

__

R'lina…come now.

We need you here…we want you.

Imouto…lover…friend…princess…Lady…The words swirled in her head without coherent sense and Relena could feel a frown knit between her eyes and for a second she shook her head slightly to shake off the thrall of her unquestioning obedience. She looked around, realizing in amazement that she was already into the waters up to her thighs and that the cold chill of the water had soaked through her denim jeans, making them cling to her legs wetly and she shivered, from fear or the cold, she didn't know. _What on Earth_…_?_

Bright lights suddenly exploded in front of her eyes, and the turbid waters slammed violently against her, rising above her head to twist and writhe in an emulation of a sea serpent just short of striking. Before Relena could do more than register a sense of terror, the line of water had wrapped around her, binding her knees and arms against her in a semi-fetal position, filling her mouth and nostrils with the sharp bite of salt water until the was surrounded in a liquid chrysalis.

She felt the first pang of pain in her chest, then it quickly expanded to the rest of her body until she arched her back in agony, trying to relieve the tension that strung her muscles to the breaking point. Ruthlessly, something twisted her body as if trying to pull it into an opening that was too small for it; she could feel her nerve endings warping and convulsing in little ripples and she opened her mouth in a silent cry of pain, her tears joining the stream of salt water that encompassed her. But it didn't stop. 

Instinctively, she began fighting her capture with the desperate determination of a trapped animal, throwing her will against the threads of magic that had begun weaving a sheltering cocoon of light and shimmer about the watery chrysalis. Slender fibers tore under her attack, then fall away like a shorn length of cloth and multiple protests raised in her mind, the voices scolding and rebuking as if she were a recalcitrant child.

__

Shut up! Relena blazed at them. Her eyes had begun to blur from lack of oxygen and she could feel her body failing her. _What are you doing to me?! _

She could see the silver and gold lines distinctively now; the silver lines had woven into a delicate tapestry of shadows and light and the gold danced along its surface like an embroidery needle, strange symbols that she had never seen before imprinting onto the surface of the magical working. It sheened the surface of the water like fine-blown glass but when she pushed against the barrier, she found it unwavering and unyielding as steel. 

__

Imouto, exhale. This new voice was imperious, commanding, but unlike the baritone, it did not have the same humanity that lay just beneath the surface of his coldness. Relena narrowed her eyes.

__

Like hell I'll exhale! And I don't have a fucking older brother!

You don' t what?!—never mind! This isn't the time for that. Breathe!

No! If Relena could have managed it, her chin would have jutted forth stubbornly and her arms would have crossed across her chest. _I'm not a fish. I can't breathe salt water…if you're trying to kill me, I won't help you!_ The mind voice growled angrily, almost vibrating with frustration and suddenly a fist seized around her diaphragm, forcing the air from her lungs in a choked gasp.

__

Zechs, no-! 

__

That'll do. 

The water turned into a sable cloak of nothingness and time warped the long thread of space into a tortured curve. For second, Relena fancied that she saw a field of star yawning before her, opening new pathways to wherever she wanted to go; then she was snapped forward in a ruthless jerk and found herself suddenly standing on her own feet, weak and shaken. Immediately, her legs buckled and she would have fallen but two arms caught her shoulders, drawing her forward into the circle of his arms and instinctively, she leaned against the hard wall of his chest, completely exhausted from both her struggle and her trip.

"Welcome home, _allana._"

Tbc…

*_allana_: my love (yes, I just couldn't resist. ^_~)

Shouts out go to: 

sweet__angel, Athame, Ley, Kristine, Cassie, Crystal, Beth, Mint, Lady Legalos, me, Goldberry, Meio-chan, Silver Wing (like in Prelate's this is a made up language for a made-up place), mama-sama, and angelic1090; thank you, you've all been very supportive! ^________^ luv ya'll! *HUGZ* arigato for waiting patiently until I posted!

Ohayo! If you want to be notified when the next chapter is posted, leave your email address please and I'll send out what COULD be termed as an Author's Alert. Or if you want, email me at furiesofhell@yahoo.com and I'll be sure to get back to you! ^_~ have a nice day!


	4. chapter 4

Chapter 4: _Making Sense_

Her legs trembled, unable to support her weight; the world seemed to lurch and spin beneath her like the roiling of some great creature just wakening from sleep. One thing she knew: she was no longer walking in the waves of the sea. The sun did not shine bright here, only an ominous gold-green glow through a canopy of dappled leaves and twisting vines and it seemed as if the very grass (was it…purple? Like the last shades of dusk…), the very bark itself glowed in a steady silver-blue pulse. As she continued to stare in benumbed daze, she saw that thin threads were strung from the trees and riddling along the ground in eddies and pools; thin threads, as delicate as a spider's web, wove their way through the circle, sometimes catching and sparkling in the dim light like fine metal—

They were the same color of the waves just before the sea had exploded in incandescence. 

But she was no longer near the sea. She could see the thin rivulets of water creep down her legs, seeping into the tall grass, so she knew that she _had_ been somewhere near the ocean…Hadn't she? 

She clenched her eyes together, almost desperately wracking at her memory, but the proper images wouldn't appear in sequential order. All she remembered was the whisper of voices, hypnotic, caressing, the sea, water seeping through the flannel of her clothes…then light; light that flared across the clearing like in a fire-burst, eagerly consuming, racing around her as if it was alive. She could still feel the burn across her skin like a fiery brand, drawing the water around her (suffocating…) until the pressure had made her want to scream from pain. Unconsciously, a shudder went through her frame and she muffled a low keen, biting down on her lower lip until she tasted the salty tang of blood. 

Nothing made sense…she prided herself on being a logical person but nothing made sense! 

But there was no time to make sense of anything; from beneath the heavy golden fall of her hair, she saw strangely garbed people slowly slumping to the ground in boneless heaps of exhaustion, not even a murmur arising from the clearing. But for the slow, patient rustle of the leaves They wore heavy robes of white, threaded with careful stitches of gray and black that formed an archaic, almost wild pattern of shadow and light, as if they themselves were only ephemeral beings that came and went with the mist. Their hair was braided loosely with small shimmering beads and bangles hanging from simple thongs and strange blue markings touched their cheekbones and traced across their forehead.

She shrank away from them as one, presumably the leader, straightened his robes and began walking purposefully towards her, his pale blue eyes sparkling coldly like slivers of ice. Instinctively she knew that his was the voice she had heard before, cold, commanding…emotionless. That very lack of emotion made her wish to run, but almost as if the one holding her head sensed her fear, immediately she felt the arms around her tighten in comfort, a murmured breath against her ear. "R'lina…_soya-na…_it's alright."

The embrace was as intimate as a lover's, coaxing, one would say _cuddling_…as if the man that held her was reaffirming their relationship with each slow, possessive stroke of his fingers at the base of her spine. A tingle of feeling shivered through her, centering on the feel of his fingers at her back, and for a second, she took consolation in this stranger's strength, leaning against him before she stood up straighter, tilting her head up defiantly at the approaching man with the long, blonde hair.

He stopped a few scant steps away, gaze roving scrutinizingly over her, taking in her bare feet and soaked clothing. Inexplicably, a small smile drifted across his face, one that was on the verge of being genuine, and he opened his arms elegantly, the cloth draping gracefully over him in neat folds. He took one step forward, and raised his hands until the tips of his fingers touched lightly on her cheekbones. 

"R'lina, my sister…my youngest sister." In the dim light, it was difficult to tell whether the ice in his eyes melted at all when he smiled. "You have grown these three years."

Relena resisted the urge to pull away from the chill touch of his hands, merely looked up at him with wide, distant eyes…and tried to ignore her knocking knees. His coloring was a little lighter than hers; with his pale platinum hair and bleached skin tone that contrasted so easily with her own vibrant honey-gold locks and healthy rose flush. But still, it was almost like looking into mirror into the future; he had the same high patrician's nose and high cheekbones as her as well as the stubborn lift of his chin. But it was impossible…if she had a brother, she would have known. Especially a brother such as this…someone would have told her, wouldn't they?

__

But you were an orphan, Relena. They found you as a child…

That's right! She had been a baby, a child when she had been taken to the orphanage…there was no way he could possibly recognize her, especially not with his slip of having seen her three years ago. This was some kind of game…some kind of dream, not reality…and yet there was still a twinge of disappointment that flared in her chest. It would have been so wonderful…had it been true. 

Quietly, she replied, "My name is Relena. Re-le-na Dorlain." Her smile was bittersweet as she added, "I have no parents that I know of, much less a brother."

He froze, his hands dropping away. "What?" When she didn't respond, he jerked away, the beginnings of anger mingling with confusion on his aristocratic features as he demanded, "What do you mean?" 

A woman with cropped black hair hurried to his side, laying a hand against his arm in a pleading gesture before gazing at Relena with a hesitant smile on her lips. "R'lina…it's Lu. Lucrezia Noin. I looked after you as a child…and I know it has been long. Years since…" The woman's voice broke slightly, and pressed her lips together, unable to continue the thought, "But you're home now…and…and I am so glad…" 

Lucrezia made as if to hug the younger girl but Relena shook her head once, hands immediately going up in a warding gesture. She would have moved to the other side of the clearing if she could have if only to get away from them. They were looking for someone else, someone with her face. But she wasn't it…couldn't be that person. She was Relena Dorlain from the Dorlain orphanage and top student at Evania University. For a wild moment, she wondered if she was still dreaming about the chase and the trip through nothingness…because it had been a dream. It had to have been a dream… 

Because nothing else made sense.

Relena closed her eyes, clenching her jaw until her teeth ached but someone else was turning her around, a callus, scarred forefinger slipping under her chin to tip her head up, refusing to let her hide. "R'lina."

"No." She whispered, shaking. She could feel her limbs trembling as she tried to fold within herself, tried to wake up. "I don't know you. I'm sorry but…"

Why don't I know them? They seem to know me…they look at me as if they know me very well. But who are they? I-

****

You will not question! You will forget! There was a roar of power in her mind, making her clutch her fingers to her temples and she bit back a sob, unwilling to show tears in front of total strangers. Pain seared her mind as if someone had set up a wall of flames in her mind, viciously exhorting more pain from her body until she could think of nothing else.

Something in her rebelled; who the hell did he think he was? Bad enough that these people were trying to make her into someone she wasn't, this…this…_thing_ was trying to order her around as well! Stubbornly she bit her lip, eyes slitting furiously as she fought back, forcibly pushing the entity away from her._ Get out of my mind!! I'll remember when I'm good and ready!_

A different voice was talking to her, the hand under her chin tightening almost roughly against her skin. "R'liina, open your eyes!" R'lina tightened her lips resentfully but nonetheless peered up beneath her eyelashes, anger and fear making her eyes dark and turbid. 

He was not clothed as the others were, did not wear the robes of sable and white, only a simple leather jerkin and comfortably loose pants. Tumbledown bangs draped across his face in careless abandon and a scar marred the right side of his face from cheekbone to forehead, cutting across his eye…his bright, Prussian blue eyes. She choked.

"No!" Her shrill scream pierced the air and she shoved away from his arms, ignoring the grappling, supporting hands of other people as she tripped, almost falling to the thick loam of the forest floor. She pushed into the wall of bodies, trying to put as much distance between her and this man as possible, a strange, unreasonable terror striking through her heart. "You're dead!"

"R'lina-"

"_I saw you die!!_" Accusation glowed in her shimmering azure eyes, but Relena was barely aware of what she was saying; it seemed as if her body, her mouth was moving of her own accord. She felt anger at him, although she knew not why, but beneath that…a flicker of recognition that warmed the ice in her veins, that made a part of her want to throw herself into his arms. But…

"Who are you?" She glanced around her, eyes resting over every singularly unfamiliar face, straying listlessly towards the unfamiliar greenery and wild, unpruned trees. She raised pleading eyes up at the man and unconsciously raised her hands, fingers spread wide a gesture of appeal. "I don't understand what's going on. Where am I?" Relena ignored the shocked murmurs that made their way through the men and women as they listened to her speak, she had only eyes for him. Somehow, she knew that he was the key to her answers, would be able to explain what was going on as no one else could. Amidst everyone else, it was he who she could trust. "Who are you?" 

Shocked silence and then the clearing burst into accusations and counteraccusations, the angry, argumentative voices pounding through her mind as a hammer would an anvil.

"Damnit, what did you do??!"

"Something in the transportation lock—"

"—She doesn't remember?!"

"This changes everything! How can she defeat Mordrid if she does not remember—"

"Can she still perform the Luminarous? She must—" 

The words swirled about her in a mixture of high, turbulent emotions and keen frustration; the phrases that she caught did not make much sense to her tired mind but for now that did not matter. The man in front of her stared at her, moving back one step, then another. Anger and perhaps another emotion (pain? hatred?) slowly replaced the surprise and confusion on his face, making the scar at his cheek tick and his hands curled into fists at his side until she could see tiny rivulets of crimson drip to the forest floor where his nails had cut through the skin. Then, without another word, he pushed past her, striding away quickly. She saw a blonde man detach from the group, trying to soothe him but he bit out a single harsh word and moved away. The blonde hesitated, then determinedly followed his friend into the trees. 

Relena's hands were still outstretched and, suddenly feeling too tired, she dropped them, wrapping her arms around herself as if she was trying to physically hold herself together. Dismally, she realized that this self-embrace did not strengthen her as his did and she closed her eyes, a half-remembered name whispering through her mind.

__

Hiiro…

***

The tree branches snapped at his arms, raking across his face but Hiiro growled, pushing through them. He heard several crack behind him and knew that Quatrus was still following him tenaciously, determined to help his friend whether or not his aid had been asked for. Reluctantly, Heero shortened his stride, then stopped, feeling adrenaline course through him as if urging him to get as far away from her as possible. He still wanted to but ever since childhood, he had known that Quatrus was far frailer of body if not mind. Quatrus had taken a childhood disease that should have left him half-crippled, but he had refused to accept this ultimatum, refused to accept his handicap and he had walked again, despite all the doctor's predictions to the contrary. But still, hard physical labor still left him gasping and weak; his body's condition could not quite match the demands from his mind.

Quatrus stopped as well, immediately leaning on a tree as he struggled to catch his breath. Hiiro glanced at him measuringly but the other man merely smiled, a small quirk of his lips. "I could never keep up with you," He said cheerfully, "It's lucky that as children, you and…" His voice faltered, then a look of apologetic determination crossed his face as he continued obstinately, "you and R'lina were always willing to wait for me."

Anger flickered in Hiiro's eyes, "Don't say that name."

Quatrus crossed his arms, "I will. I haven't said it in your presence for three whole years and I'm saying it now. R'lina. R'lina. R'lina." When Hiiro turned his head away in rejection, Quatrus persisted, "She's back, Hiiro, she's home and she's alive. What are you doing here, alone now? We've been waiting—" 

He was cut off by a single bark of harsh laughter, "That girl is not R'lina."

"But—"

"She is not R'lina!" 

Quatrus reached out a hand in a gesture of helplessness and consolation. "Hiiro, she might be different than before. But her soul is the same; I can feel it."

Prussian eyes flashed dangerously but ever perceptive, Quatrus saw the pain that lurked past the anger. The anger of waiting and living, living for someone and having that person not even try to love in return…not even remember. Perhaps that was the largest part of the agony, losing even that feeble thread of hope that had bound them once so closely together.

"It is not her soul I want," His voice was low, laden with emotion, even as he turned his back on the young minstrel. "I want her heart, her love...her memory. Did you see the fear in her face when she looked upon me? I've never seen such fear…That was not what I wanted." He shook his head suddenly, a forceful expletive exploding past his lips in a surge of powerless rage before his shoulders slumped and he leaned wearily against the tree trunk as if quick burst of fury had enervated him. 

"What did you hope for?" Quatrus prodded gently. 

"Nothing." His voice was barely a whisper; he was talking to himself more than he was addressing Quatrus. His features settled into a caste of stone as if he was able to distance himself from the pain…barely. Just barely able to hide his emotions again behind the façade of a warrior's indifference. "Iie, it is foolish to yearn for what once was."

"She is alive," Quatrus reminded, more distressed than he could say. Hiiro's grief thrummed through his empathetic perceptions until he felt his own heart that aching, as if the helpless fury he felt was his own. 

Hiiro shook his head sharply, rejecting that statement. "No. Mordrid's men killed R'lina that day two years ago. This woman that we brought back is nothing to me. Nothing but a doll, with the face of a woman I once loved. Now there is nothing left except…" 

Quatrus shuddered at the look of reckless apathy in Hiiro's eyes as he raised his head; it was the look of a man that had nothing to lose and simply didn't give a damn.

"Nothing left…except?"

One word. "Revenge." 

Quatrus looked away, his glib tongue failing him for the first time. "Hiiro…"

Tbc…

_Soya-na_: don't worry 


End file.
